Date:	2008-04-20 09:22
Subject:	Am I in a Lifetime Movie?
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative
Music:	Noise of fan in background

 Hello all,

 I haven't written much on here because I have another account that I use more frequently but I today I felt like writing some.

I have been having a couple of really odd months lately. It almost feels like I am living someone else's life or that I am in some sort of movie that has yet to end. You know the ones where stuff just keeps happening to the main characters and you 're like:

 "Oh man, all this crap at once? How can anybody deal with that?"

Well


Apparently, stuff really happens like that in real life. It just still feels surreal to me.

About the 2nd week of march, I went bike riding and when I got home I as very sore around my abdomen, so I figured :

"Oh, I haven't exercised in a while, I probably just sprained something."

I figured it would go away eventually and I just made sure I drank lots of fluids in case it was a UTI or something like that. I am feeling really run down lately, but as my sister in law had been living with us for some time,and has just left, I chalked it up to re adjusting to a  lower stress level.

March 27th: I went with Kiryu to go see Spamalot, which was very excellent, but I remember I felt very hot the whole evening and a bit uncomfortable, but I chalked it up to Bob Carr being very packed and the seats being very tiny.

March 29th: James and I went to the Flower Garden Festival at Epcot, nmet up with Kiyru had lunch in Italy (very tasty) and generally hung around and took pictures. I had to keep going to the restroom and to sit down a lot becasue I felt very ,very tired all of a sudden after lunch. We went home and then early sunday morning, I woke up with the worse leg cramps ever, I have gotten these before when visiting theme parks but not quite so painful and not in both legs. Also it woke me from a dead sleep so they were really bad. Even so it eventually calmed down and I went back to sleep thinking okay I am fine jut gotta eat more bananas, drink more water.


March 30th: Woke up in the morning and my abdomen hurt so bad I could hardl get out of bed. It was mostly on the right side and I had all the symptoms of  appendicitis, except fever so we went down to the Winter Park Memorial emergency room. I am admitted to Hospital.


After examination, a ultrasound and an MRI ( which I was scared of, but turns out not quite so bad as a pet scan. I felt more relaxed here then at the PET imagining center.) It turns out it's not appendicitis, but another cyst on my ovary. A 17 cm one at that and it had wrapped itself around the tubes and was putting pressure on my bladder and generally causing pain and being a nuisance.

Dr comes in and transfers me to Florida Hospital near princeton, becasue she is concerned it may be a malignant tumor, so I get a new Doctor who likes to come in at 5 am to talk to me. :) HIs name is Bigsby and he blocks out the light from the room because  he is so tall, of course this is my thinking at 5 am. I didn't really mind the time, because I wasn't really sleeping at all.

I am scheduled for a laproscopy, which is  where they just kind of drill holes to do surgery instead of  opening you up. The Dr says we will try to do it this way, but we may have to remove everything if it turns out to be cancerous. I am a bit concerned because I had a laproscopy last year to remove a 13 cm cyst, which My dr at the time had said was benign. I do not understand how it can change in just one year.

So long story short, I had major surgery and they had to remove everything. I had a complete hysterectomy and also some lymph nodes removed.  I am not really sure how I feel about this yet. Now thaat I am home from the hospital, It is just now starting to sink in what this means. It means I won't be able to have children, something whcih I have always wanted. It also means no more menstral cycle, which I am happy about that a little I never really liked it, but it also means I am Menopausal now? Which I think is kinda funny. 

I also am havng to think about cancer treatment. The Doctor says that I have 2 cancers. Uterine and Ovarian. We are ignoring the uterine becasue it is not as bad as the ovarian, which is " aggressive".  ( small-cell neuro endocrine ovarian cancer.)

I had to go for a Pet scan last friday, which I did not like. They injected me with radioactive isotopes and then I had to drink this nasty contrast liquid and then I get tied to this little uncomfortable table and have to try my hardest to stay completly motionless, and not freak out which of course is what I want to do becasue Im claustrophobic and this is really very hard for me. But I got through it.

Monday, we go back to Dr to discuss my chemo treatments and to prepare for another surgery on wed to install a port for the chemo treatments. I am scared of chemo. I am not as scared as I was, because I have talked to a friend's mom who had breat cancer and went through chemo so I know a little of what to expect, but I am still scared. The pet scan looks to see if there are other cancer cells in the body, so I am slightly worried I may have more then what was in the uterus and ovaries. I am trying not to think of it, 


Everything is happening so fast and so quickly, that I'm still not sure if it is really me that it is happening to. It all seems like a lifetime movie. :)

I am trying to look at things with a sense of humor, but it is really hard for me especially when I don't normally look at life like that. I am a very serious minded indivdual. I tend to worry a lot.  I am trying not to though becasue I think it is important to remain calm and laugh.

The Dr. says I will lose my hair, so I tell everyone:

"Well, I have bad dandruff, so maybe this will fix it."

 Also I have lost a lot of weight through this whole process and will probably lose more, although I am a great lover of food so we'll see.
I really don"t recommend this diet plan to anyone, although Hospital Food will help you not to eat.

If you see me and I look down send me really funny e-mails or tell me a joke and help to to look at things from a humorous viewpoint. I know I am asking a lot, and to lean on all of you a lot but I think I will need all your help. Thank you all and I love you guys!!





 

Vash the Stampede was made to accompany me on trips to various conventions. I also was inspired by a web site called The adventures of Sock puppet Ally, a site which I have not been able to find again and I think is defunct. It was a very Nice Site telling the adventures of Ally ( a sock puppet of Allan Schazar? from Escaflowne). Vash is not in his costume because it is very hot here and the coat I made  him was from a heavy linen- type material.  I did not scotch guard him which was a mistake, because as a boy he gets very, very dirty.(especially when He and Little Bear play and climb trees together.)

 

 He loves to make cookies. I know in the anime he loves Doughnuts but mine's crazy about cookies; however, I think that Little Bear has put him up to this mostly, as Little Bear is the cookie connoseur. They help me every year with christmas baking which consists of getting me to look the other way, while they sneak the cookies. Vash has been to AWA, Dragon Con, MegaCon, and Jacon. He has only been out and been carried around where people can see him at AWA. We havent been to a convention in awhile though.

 

 

 I am very proud of the fact that Vash was my first major sewing attempt after the disater in middle school trying to get mom to teach me to sew a shirt. I still hate sewing collars, but I managed to complete Vash with minimal help and from then on I have been sewing off and on ever since. I have made several costume( those i need some help on) but its just really cool to see stuff taking shape before your eyes although I am the first to admit that  I am not a patient person so i get frustrated with myself easily which is why i take longer on most projects then most people. That being said I made all these ones below within 1 month and am very happy with the results.

 

 

Date:	2007-07-27 12:24
Subject:	Thoughts on Movies
Security:	Public
Mood:	crazy

I was surfing today and was going through all the movies out there to see if I really wanted to go and see the new Simpsons movie. I have not  decided on that yet but I did come across some interesting finds:

They are naming horror movies after people I know.

First, There was Stacy

http://movies.msn.com/movies/movie.aspx?m=542364

My best friends name is Stacy. During our many visits to anime and sci- fi conventions, we happened across this movie. We had a great laugh about it and she even bought a copy to show at the local anime club or at home or something. 


Then, a few years later, there was *ahem*
  Tamara
http://movies.msn.com/movies/movie.aspx?m=2060108

Now there are some similarities here, in that I was "unpopular" at school who wasn't?  and a very shy and quiet girl.  She does pronounce her name differently than I do.
I did happen to see some of this movie, but turned it off due to the horrible acting. Although I was trying to think if I had gone to school with any of the directors to see if that's where they got the name.


 On a side note, a lot of people pronounce it oddily.   It is a very unusual  name.The weirdest I have ever been called  is some one who couldnt even pronounce it at all and so just called me Tree becasue I was so tall. Or my old job where they just called me "T".  Very Odd anyway on with the show...

This is a new horror/suspense type movie that I found, that looks to be in the same vein of The Good Son from a few years back with Elijah Wood.  

It is called Joshua.
http://movies.msn.com/movies/movie.aspx?m=2106232

I have a brother named Joshua who happens to play the piano sometimes and is very quiet.


It was just somethign very weird I noticed...


I've just noticed too we seem to have a lot of bible names in the family too. Several Johns ( my dad, his dad, his grand dad  and  my brother in law plus several others in the family tree, whichmakes geneolgy a nightmare), Joshua (my brother), Mary( my great grandmother on dad's side, my grandmother on dad's side and my mom), Joseph (my uncle) James ( my husband) Paul( my other uncle). Im not sure if Devin ( my nephew and my cousin) is a bible name, but we have two in the family. I had a freind once who had a sister who changed her name from Rachel to Leah. Which I thought was very interesting seeing as how those two names are together in one of the bible stories I read. I'm not sure if my name is in there; I think there is a variation on it but not sure.


Anyway its very neat once you start seeing patterns in things...

Date:	2007-07-13 08:27
Subject:	Pensacola
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious

Well Pensacola is interesting. I can't really say that I like it too much yet. I am still looking for a job hoping to avoid retail if at all possible, but it seems like this is the only thing available up here right now. I have applied to a state job that looked interesting.
I am having trouble adjusting still, and when I do talk to people they are all like oh you'll be fine and I cried for 3 months and etc and I know I will adjust but I really am having trouble and please dont tell me I told you so i hate that.
Anyway....

 So far the only thing I like without a doubt is the beach we went to here. Perdido Key, the Gulf Coast 's version of the national seashore. The  sand  on the beaches squeak and it is  beautiful. White clean sand with no cigerette buts or trash and you can see the bottom. The main reason why I never went swiming in Cocoa or Daytona Beach was I couldn't see anything at all in the water that  was murky and icky. ( Of course there was one time in Sanibel Island that I swear something took a bite out of me and I totally freaked, and my dad made fun of me until i pulled my leg out of the water and there was this big scratch down it....He still made fun of me and said i was over-reacting about it)The water here is so clear.
The only thing that kinda freaked me out was all the signs that said to shuffle your feet, inc ase of manoraystringrayshark fish or something like that. When I did swim in beaches down near Otown I never ever shuffled  my feet, so who know how close I came to getting shark-rayed!

Some of the roadsigns are amusing too, like the one that says "I HUAL ANYTHING" tacked to various trees around the neighborhood. I am not the world's greatest speller but I would double check everything before I'd put up an ad for service. But maybe that's how they spell it up here...:)

The library cards are nicer too, they have a picture of a heron on them.

The things I don't like are the job market and for some reason all the stores smell funny up here. I dont know why maybe damage from past hurricanes and its still the clean up smell from them but they all smell funny. And there are no Publix up here. I really miss Publix. There is one that is about 45 minutes away but that's too far for groceries .

Which I really shouldnt say considering when I was a kid, we lived way out in BFE and we had to drive 45 minutes to an hour if we wanted to go to a bigger grocery store then the local one, Meat World.
Now Meat World had a specific smell but it was a nice smell like the kind you get when you go to the Farmer's market.  Anyway

I dont like it either becasue Im so far away from everyone I know and everything I knew in Orlando Okay Its not that far away but Ive never been away from Home for more then 2 months , and I knew I was going back home, so this is going to be a lot different for me. I may end up returnng to Otown if I can't find anything. But Im trying here for James Sake. He seems to like it here, He started at the Naval Hospital as a pharmacy tech. He seems to be enjoying himself. The time change is weird here too and someone threw away my african violet pots one of the landscapers I think. I guess I shouldn't of put them out on the patio.Oh well.

Date:	2007-05-11 12:29
Subject:	Update
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake
Music:	Radio

Boy I really need to start posting here more often...

Well To update everyone who dosent know.

I am engaged.
Date set for April 5th 2008. But it may change due to some new Happenings:

 James(fiance) has gotten a job in Pensacola. We will probally be moving in June. I m excited a little about it, having never moved in 29 years to now moving three times in the past 2 years. I think i will be okay, just new experiences and all that. I will miss all of you! Dont know when we are moving yet but it will probally be in june I will update with date later.

Date:	2007-03-28 14:30
Subject:	Work and Stuff
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative

Well

Boss faked being sick yesterday so I told her this morning I had a appt. Which wasn't exactly a lie, just not the whole truth, So I left at 12:15 and am sitting here eating lunch and relaxing. 

I used to not do stuff like this. I am feeling no guilt what so ever. It just seems that eveyone else is getting away with it, so rather then getting upset and unhappy about " why  so and so are not doing their jobs, I am giving in. Why fight it?

I used to stay late, do what ever other co workers wanted me to research, even if its not my department, took work home unpaid because I thought that it would be helpful and considerate.

You know what i found out?


That I  doing these thing made me happyand  that I had a " job well done"?

Absolutly not.

People take advantage of me. So, Im not going beyond what it is I need to do. So Far I have been slightly happier. The only problem is that now that I've been a certqain way for so long its hard to stop dong it.

Date:	2007-03-27 12:12
Subject:	Spring Time
Security:	Public
Mood:	aggravated

I really am starting to hate shopping for clothes. Society forces me into wearing jeans and T-shirts.
I can sew, but unfortunately my sewing machine was dropped by an idiot who owned it before me and cannot do buttons holes so I ask the Universe:

Why
Why 
Why
 must every dress for larger gals come  with a jacket that has shoulder pads?

do they assume every dress needs to have a jacket?

Do dress makers everywhere assume that larger girls want to look like they play for the local football team??

do the dresses that do fit me look like Great great grandma Eunice should be wearing them??

 I am only a size 18 for crying out loud , I should be able to find something.

I can only imagine that looking for a wedding dress will bring me to tears/insanity.

Date:	2006-01-29 20:47
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	curious

Well Yesterday was very interesting. It went okay just odd things happened.

I had a baby shower for a work friend, a rather large one with over 50 people so that was kinda unusual anyway, but while I was getting ready for it, My mom had come into the house from the Garden and a wren flew into the house, so we tried to coax it back out into the garden and it flew into the stairway where i have these little wooden carved birds that i had hanging on coat pegs, so i guess they were realistic enough to fool the wren, any way she flew upsatiars freaked out a little and eventually we got her to fly out the window so it was okay.
So that crisis averted, I left for the shower and while driving there, It was being held at a restaurant I saw one of friends going to the baby shp\ower and followed her, becasue I wasn't sure where it was, the thing was we didn't plan it that way and we live on opposite ends of town, so tha fact that we managed to see each other on the road was unusual. So far two weird things, Baby shower went okay, nothing much really
So I went home and about 2 minutes from the house just as I was about to turn on to my street I saw all these para-gliders, the motorized kind, but a big group of em like maybe 8 or 9. At first glance, it looked rather spooky like pterdactyls or flying monkeys or something, but only until I realized what they were. Also they were kind of shilouted against this bright bluish sky which made them kind of spooky too. That was weird because you hardly ever see them and then to see a large group of them, weird.
I turned on my road, My dad was driving towards me stops the car and tells me he's going to the store , okay another weird chance meeting on the road, although this probally has occured at least a couple times, but is still very rare...
End of weird things...

So I think the Universe was trying to tell me something or just letting me know it has everything under control...
Not really scary just telling me its out there.

Hee I just found it I knew I wasn't crazy!!
http://www.theofficialjohncarpenter.com/pages/themovies/ds/ds.html

Hey all
I am being driven crazy by a movie that i saw once or twice as a kid. It was a sci-fi movie and all i can remeber of it, besides it being very very awful wa that there was this elevator shaft type thing in the middle of the space ship and it had this bouncing ball type creatre that one of the crew memebers was keeping as a pet, he got mad at it and it killed him and then something happened to the ship and these other two crew members were floating off in space and they decide that since they were going to die anyway they might aas well surf into the surface of the earth/sun? and that is how the movie ended. For the life of me I just can't remember the title, i think it was made in the 1970's and I pretty sure it is real i don't think i am making up a false memory. If this sounds familar to anyone let me know!

Date:	2006-01-13 12:15
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

Name the era, and you can name every artist from
it. You've got an eye for design and a knack
for feng shui. Color schemes, architecture, and
objt d'art - these are all your forts.
What people love: You're the perfect person to shop
with.
What people hate: They have to clean their house
whenever you come over.


What Kind of Elitist Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


I wonder if this is really true. I 've been to ppl's house before but sometimes they aren't clean...

Date:	2005-09-21 00:54
Subject:	Stuff
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy

Well I think Shipping is going to become interesting.Orders are probally going to be delayed due to hurricane Rita.
What is really weird is today I kept hearing in my in my head "Lovely Rita Meter Maid" but insted of that I was thinking this:

Stupid Rita!
Hurr-i-cane

Ah well. I saw today on the news that some guys want to drop the inside parts of baby diapers (that absorbent material) into hurricanes to slow them down/completly disfuse them(?). I think that in the 60's the Military tried this before, and it didn't work, or it did but they couldn't replicate the test results so they stopped doing it. I know that it is a very serious thing, this Hurricane and I wish everyone well and hope they all escape with a minimum of damge to their homes and buisnesses but after hearing this baby diaper thing all I could picture in my head was a billion diapers flying into Texas and covering everything.

In other news, my mom's work had an unusual thing happen. A guy ran a red light, sideswiped another car and ran into the building where she worked. He had to have been going pretty darn fast, becase their business is not level with the ground/ you have to go up a couple of steps to get to the front door. Stupid Jerk. So far all he was charged with is running a red light. He should be made to pay a hefty fine for driving into a building, maybe with a title like Stupid Moron Ticket 200$.*^_^*

Date:	2005-08-12 12:15
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	and Odd
Music:	Skyrockets in flight

had a dream about waterspouts escaping on a mo-ped, an airplane flying upside down surrouned by heliocopters and grabbing the really important things out of my house.

Very wacky

I 'm guessing it has something to do with anxiety about Hurricanes and the house. Grabbing the stuff perhaps worried that the house won't live through another hurricane. As for the plane: perhaps I'm traveling to a destination, but going about it in an unusual way.

Could just be a dream though.

I also Had one this week about Muppets doing phantom; I liked that one so much I want to write it out, only in my dream Piggy was cast as Christine, Gonzo was the phantom, which kinda makes sense as i think he used to have a crush on piggy before the chickens, Kermit wwas raoul and I was watching this on television with my dad in the dream and it was piggy and kermit standing in front of this jewelry store window, and then it kinda focused in on miss piggy's hand and there was this simple gold ring on her hand. then it cut to a upset looking gonzo with what looked like dried paper mache all over his face, then it cut back to a stage with nothing on it but a fainting couch in the back and piggy in ballet dress lying onthe couch and then she got up and started ballet dancing but she was wearing this black greek drama ish mask and then she danced for a while and then started floating up then the show cut to a commerical..and the commerical was another dancer but who was surrounded by these floating lights that made her skirt. I called my mom in from the kitchen who was washing dishes, to see this weird show but she got upset and threw a towel down and then I woke up...

Date:	2005-08-11 12:16
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored

Woo I found my old live journal thingy! I had forgotten so i made another. oh well. will update more later today

Work is very slow today, but starting the 25th it will be heck, we have about twenty orders all over 300 stores to ship on that day. Hopefully we will get the merch in before that.

Not much to say today really.

Date:	2004-05-31 17:52
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful
Music:	None

Mom I haven't done a update in quite a while. Let's see what has happened recently...

Well I am now an aunt to Devin Randall, who was born on april 26th, and Jacon went well, fresh fish lounge was success and cyberia went well also.

Iron Cosplay was fun. I am going to try and make a new costume for AWA. or at least finish the one I started. I am going to be driving up with Erin this year i think so I'll have to get in practice for that. I have never dri ven out of state before. So we'll see how that goes But I suppose it is about time. ( hope gas prices go down by september, it's killing me that it take so much money to fill the tank up and I have to drive to tampa about every other weekend it seems) But That's still a ways a way so I'm sure that i can handle the drive. I hope any way well gotta go

Date:	2004-03-10 23:57
Subject:	Feeling low
Security:	Public
Mood:	discontent
Music:	Silenceo

Well work is okay, we are going to be really busy at the end of the month. Busy enough to have a second shift in shipping.(say that three times fast)

Megacon was alot of work. But worth it, cyberia was packed and of course more con stories were created.
Veery tired but feeling okay since weekly Amego's Dinner and Maragrita. had a regular one and discovered thath they had strawberry ones.

I will be an Aunt in May!My newphew is due somewhere around my birthday, so hopefully he come on the 16th. i just hope i can be a really kewl aunt and not be so screwed up. I've been rather down on myself lately. But there is always a silver lining to every cloud and things happen for a reason. Or some nonsense like that. I think i will go out side and look at stars for a nit before bed.

So Long For Now.

Mara-mara

haven't posted in a while so here goes:

I have a new office at work now. Yipppie! I don't have to share it with anyone and I have a window that has a lovely view of the gigantic garbage disposal.

It is nice becasue now when I have miles of paperwork to go through I can shut the door and have a bit of quiet rather than being in the middle of a noisy warehouse.

Christmas as pretty kewl and stuff. I got an Easel and stuff for my new car. I also got this huge nail care kit and I don't even know what half the stuff does. There this knife looking thing (that sort of resembles a stitch ripper, but without that little ball on the end that prevents you from ripping the fabric.) that I think may be a cuticle remover but not too sure on that one.

I have not seen the last installment of Lord of the Rings yet but I did see Peter Pan and it was pretty kewl. Hook was well portrayed and I really would like to make his outfit one of these days. Well have a nice new year's Bye!

Hey AWA was great fun I entered into the costume contest as The Baron from the cat returns, and even though I didn't win anything it was lots of fun! I got a lot of compliments and I now have more experience with sewing. I have more of a understandin about how patterns work as well. It was great being there in Atlanta with all my friends. I had a great time, and Anime Sushi's Dance was a success!

YIppie!

Here is the link for the costume:

http://www.animesushi.com/modules.php?set_albumName=album09&id=res61907&op=modload&name=gallery&file=index&include=view_photo.php
hopefully thath should work if not go to :www.animesushi.com



Bye for now

I rad this interesting article on reading poetry aloud at this address:

http://slate.msn.com/id/2085209/

I like poetry.( but I do not like all of it) One of my favorites: Stopping by Woods on a snowy Evening was one of the poems you could listen to in this article.It was read by Mr. Robert Frost himself. I had always thought that this was a poem of quiet contemplation. He's going through the woods, sees the snow falling and pauses to reflect upon it. To me, it invokes images of frosty ewinters,huddling under blankets or your coat in the snow, a soft crunch as you walk and see your breath in the air in front of you, where evrything is silent andit seems as if the whole world was asleep.

I have always read and said this poem aloud slowly but Frost trips through it like he's skipping stones over a river. Very fast paced and not at all contemplative. Like he's running for cover from gunfire. I suppose since it is his poem he's reading it correctly but it seems to me that it is better suited for a quieter reading.


There are other poems he mentions but I was most famliar with Frost and The charge of the Light Brigade, but the static on the reading makes it hard to listen to.

I do have recommended authors if anyone would like:

Tenniyson
Lewis Carrol
Longfellow
Edgar Allen Poe
Walt Whitman
Walter De La Mare
Ruyard Kipling
Wordsworth
Shakespeare
Samuel taylor Coleridge
I liked Emily Dickison but ever since someone told me you could sing all her poems to the Yellow Rose of Texas they have been ruined for me.

I remember this snippet of a poem :

I must go Down to the Sea Again
to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship
and a star to steer her by
and the wind's kick
and the wheel's turn
and the grey dawn breaking
and a grey mist on the sea's face
and a white sail shaking...


SOmething like that anyway. I really love the ones about the sea...

I like the poem thay use in that truck commerical too read by Jim Rockford(not his real name but who he played in a t.v show.)
I remember people groaning in class when ever we had to do poetry and I always felt weird because I always looked forward to it.




well So long for now!